Cheaply made on cassettes that feel like Soviet-era plastic and duplicated on a machine that came from someone’s basement and still reeks of cigarette smoke. This eight cassette set contains the full audio of the book, which is much, much easier to hear on Audible. But then you’re not getting a brick of cassettes that was lovingly handmade by the author during quarantine as he watched old episodes of Battlestar Galactica because it was the only show that made him feel like things could, indeed, be worse.

So why is it so expensive? Let’s face it. You’re never going to play these. For all you know they’re blank. You’re getting one of these because it’s stupid. And you want to partake in a stupid joyful thing. You want to own one of the ten existing sets. You’ll put an unboxing video on Instagram. You’ll show it to your friends, if they’re ever allowed in your house again. And in a few years, once I am dead, you’ll remember “Hey I got a brick of cassettes off that dude. I wonder if they’re worth anything?” They won’t be, but for a second you’ll feel alive.

And yes, it comes with that pink tape player. Which is guaranteed to sound like shit and will probably eat one of the tapes.